Ist Jan
 

It is almost 12 p.m .The first day of a brand new year is about to say good-bye . God! It 
was hectic. Last night I was watching TV up to 1 o’clock in the morning.  And then, 
throughout the day there were so many things to do. Surely all my buddies had hit the bed 
 now. But I couldn’t. I have this weird habit of sharing my feelings with somebody. Ruby 
had done this to me. I used to tell her everything --every minute detail of my life. When she 
left, she left me a gift of vacuum. Now I am lucky to have you diary –to share my feelings 
with .You are a silent listener. Ruby always argued but   you never contradict me like her. 
And once I upload feelings on  you, my burdens are lightened. Ruby always argued , May 
be she could not bridge the   gap between  my expressions and feelings. But you 
can .May be you realize that some feelings can never be expressed into words—however 
hard one may try, like I don’t know why I behaved so weird today!!

It was not the first time that I  had seen Him. I had seen him last year too – at Amrita’s birthday. But I didn’t behave so foolish then. Then why did I feel so awkward this evening? Where all my wits had disappeared? How could I behave like a stupid village girl?

 The whole evening I was in a trance; doing things that I would never do in my conscious state. Instead of being smarter, I am turning into a foolish nincompoop –with age? And my parents pride on my smartness!! Mom and Dad rarely agree on something but both agree in matters of social interaction I am above average. Both say, I am a good conversationalist. Why then all words had left me when Amrita had introduced me to her cousin Showmik Malhotra!!

 P.S I wrote this  long back – during  my student days - in Bangla.

 My roommate  Ranu  was the inspiration behind this.